Movie Review: The Boy Next Door
I keep forgetting that I saw this movie, which is probably not too surprising. I’m a big fan of J. Lo’s movies. This is embarrassing but true. Enough, Maid in Manhattan, The Wedding Planner—these are all classics that I think people underestimate. Well, maybe not classics, but they are at least good guilty pleasures. The Boy Next Door is not up to my J. Lo standards.
While we should all take a minute to marvel at the fact that J. Lo’s abs are that fantastic after two kids and 45 years, we should also remember that this is the same woman who wore a green and blue slit dress in 2000 that is still talked about today. She is not really someone we can take entirely seriously. The Boy Next Door takes itself pretty seriously and it’s truthfully not the worst movie I’ve seen in the past year (It Follows gets that title), but it’s definitely not the best. The main flaw is that the protagonist, Claire, is so stupid. There are major plot holes that the writers should have fixed, or at least have Claire think about fixing, such as—um, call the police when someone is stalking you.
Other than that, the movie was fine, but there’s not much else to say. You’ll probably want to yell at Claire and simultaneously wonder why nobody else is.
Stars: 2 out of 5
Reviewing this film is not unlike reviewing a Nickelback album or a rest stop Long John Silver's: it’s so obviously and nakedly going to be terrible that saying anything at all about it almost feels like bullying. This movie is bad in all the ways you would expect a winter-release thriller starring a late-career Jennifer Lopez. The acting is terrible, the plot makes no sense, the characters are paper-thin and there’s not a single unique or distinguishing trait. This is a film that you go out to see and the next morning and when a friend asks you if you did anything last night, you say “No, I don’t think I did much of anything," not because you’re ashamed you saw it but because you forgot you even watched the movie at all.
Stars: 1 out of 5
How does it compare to other Jennifer Lopez films?
Worse Than: The Cell
As Terrible as: All other Jennifer Lopez movies.