Movie Double Take

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Movie Review: Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones


   "Get me out of the theater!"

 "Get me out of the theater!"


BOB'S TAKE:


Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, like every other horror film ever made, has this scene in it: 


Main Character: I'm scared and by myself. I sure hope nothing creeping happens!

SCARY CREEPY FACE OR BOO SOUND

Main character and gullible audience: AHHHHH!!!

Reveal that scary creepy moment was just the prankster friend having a good laugh


This has got to stop. You are the creator of a horror film. You have all the power in the world, and can do literally anything you want to scare the audience. You can introduce creepy mutated stapler monkeys, evil creatures that are half monkey half stapler. You can kill every character on the screen. There is no need to rely on this played out contrivance for a scare. It's like being in a fully stocked chefs kitchen and choosing a rubber band as your tool to cut your beef. (Also, in this scenario, you're doing it because every other chef before you at this kitchen used a rubber band to cut meat, and nothing bad happened to them).

That's the Paranormal Activity Franchise in a nutshell. Absolutely no effort or imagination whatsoever. Because they put no effort into making their films, I will put minimal effort in writing a review of their fifth in the franchise. It's aesthetically unpleasant, it looks like it was made as a student film for fifty cents, it's remarkably similar to the other four (except this one stars Hispanic teens instead of white women) and it ends in the same way they all do. Don't see it.


Stars: 1.5/5


Worse than: Insert any horror film you'd like here

Better than: The last 3 (the franchise has set remarkably low standards)


ALLIE'S TAKE:


Eh.  That's pretty much all I have to say about the fifth Paranormal.  I loved the first one--it was fresh, and scary, and had great characters and high tensions--and that's why I keep going back for the second, and third, and fourth, and now this one.  I keep hoping that one of them will rise to their predecessor but after Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, I'm finally giving up hope.

The movie centers around new characters but it's just as boring as the last three, and we don't even get enough of the characters to care when they get possessed and/or hurt and/or die.  The found-footage phenomenon feels more like an idea that the film has to use than one it utilizes, and it doesn't make sense (why would someone keep filming as a demon monster is ravaging the apartment?  why?).  It's less than an hour and a half long but it feels longer.  There's nothing really creepy about it--no weird movements or scary noises this time, just the same old demon-talking-through-inanimate-objects and possession.  The only redeeming thing about this movie is the ending, which will only matter if you have a sharp memory of the prior Paranormals.


Stars: 1 out of 5


How it compares to other ParanormalsBetter than Paranormal Activity 4, much worse thanParanormal Activity

How it compares to other found-footage horror movies: Better than Cloverfield, ten times worse than Blair Witch Project